Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
