The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
