Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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