thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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