the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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