He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
