Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
