i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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