i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
