Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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