I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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