I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
