Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
