im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
