Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
