You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
