i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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