This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
