Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
