There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
