YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
