I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize