'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
