$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my liver is dry heaving
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
