But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
well you can't waste a boner
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
