Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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