The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
