Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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