I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
