just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
