My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
