he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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