I got chris browned last night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
