enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
