I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
