it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
