NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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