I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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