If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize