Your mouth is God's brothel.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
