Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
