In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
