What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
