Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am one with the molecules
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
