if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
