And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
