I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
