Sponge bath it is.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
