I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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