I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize