i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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