she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
