I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize