I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
