i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
