They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
