TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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