Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Randomize