Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
