my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
