Why are handjobs necessary in class?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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