ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize