Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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