dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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