need another drink. this is the easiest way
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
