Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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