The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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