the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
