You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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